What
is happines? Where does it come from, and where does it go? Why
do some seem to have it in such plentiful amounts, and others struggle to hold
on to it, and yet others lose the connection with it for years?
I
suppose most people have asked themselves, in one way or another, such
questions once in a while. And even more so nowadays, when we live
in a world full of self help books that supposedly will guide
you in an eye blink to happiness . A world where being happy, even if it’s just
false appearance, is the norm. A world where we sadly compare our lives with
that of others on social media, in search of our own happiness, and at the same
time trying to feel ourselves better than the rest.
Happiness.
It’s such a charged word nowadays. We might have forgotten the essence
of happiness, just like we’ve forgotten the essence of love,
and beauty, and all other fundamental things in life. I have
decided that the word happiness is, although with a beautiful intrinsic
meaning, not my word anymore.
My
word is being. Being? Yes, right, being. 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of our lives, it is expected of us to be
something, and to be it in the best possible way. It is expected that we
are perfect children, perfect adolescents, perfect friends, perfect partners,
perfect parents. It is expected that we excel in our studies, careers and on
social level. When someone is asked who he or she is, the answer will include
the name, and a long list of attributes, like, I’m a mom, I’m a director here,
I’m a scientist there, I’m the daughter of this person, I’m the owner of
that...and so on. And ok, it’s alright to know what your place in the social
world is, but, do you know who you are? What
makes up your essence? Well, to me, it is your being. And by being
completely you, that is, by the most simple and (at the same time) complex act
of being, you can find what we call happiness.
But
being completely you, that’s a damn scary thing. We tend to change
ourselves in order to blend in into society (we’re social animals after all)
but somewhere down the road we lose ourselves, stop simply being the person you
truly are, and start acting an apparently perfect play for the outer world.
In
any case, being completely oneself is hard, and even more so in places where
your physical or mental wellbeing is put into peril if you express your true
self. But if you want to have a try at being happy, at being you,
maybe some of the following ideas might help:
· Recognize
and appreciate the small things in life. Wasn’t that a beautiful
sunset you’ve just missed because you were stuck to your smartphone? Didn’t a
loved one just remind you how much he or she loves you? So often we encounter
small gifts in life, but as we are so spoiled, we don’t even see them, and
eternally wait for something bigger, better and more beautiful to
come, without realizing that it is all happening now.
· Which
leads us to the next idea: live in the now! Ok, how
cliché. And how true! We keep ourselves busy with
thousands of tasks, thoughts, and other mess, so much that we avoid living in
the moment. I think it’s because we fear the brilliance and
greatness of living in the moment, as it can be a very powerful experience. On
the other side, we are so addicted to distraction (just watch
how many people are inseparable from their electronic devices nowadays) and drama about
the past and future, that we prefer to just ignore the now and munch on the
binge diet of unhappiness.
· Gratitude.
That’s a biiiig word, and has a very high happiness factor.
Being grateful for something is, in short, accepting and feeling
grateful about something ordinary in our lives, in such a way that it
becomes extraordinary. That something can vary from a smile from a stranger to
a loving hug of your partner, from eating homemade cookies (made by mum), to
doing that what you love most. It doesn’t matter what you appreciate,
as long as you appreciate it! There are so much beautiful things in
life, and much of it we never fully appreciate it until the moment it isn't
there anymore.
In
any case, lots more things can contribute to a sense of wellbeing. Being in
nature, spending time on (constructive) social relationships, feeling safe and
protected... We must not forget that satisfying our most basic needs also
contribute to the level of happiness one experiences. Nor must we forget that
happiness is essentially something you can find in your interior, and thus no
matter how much temporal satisfaction you feel by obtaining material goods, the
only true happiness is that which emanates from your being.
So,
after a good hour of being in my element, enjoying myself whilst
writing and listening to classical music, I can say that, writing about
happiness is good reminder for myself, as lately I’ve felt unable to
connect with that great feeling that tells me that I am satisfying all my needs
and simply being me. To be honest, I could just go on and on
writing, but as I’m not planning to write a book about happiness, I’d better
stop writing ;)
Anyway,
there is no foolproof road to happiness. It’s often a difficult, unclear and strange journey,
and surely a journey without end, as you will never stop learning how to live
life plentifully. It's a journey that will lead you to extraordinary places. Moreover, it’s a personal journey, as I think everybody has
to find out for him or herself what happiness is, where it lies, and how to
make it a part of yourself.
