Happiness

What is happines? Where does it come from, and where does it go? Why do some seem to have it in such plentiful amounts, and others struggle to hold on to it, and yet others lose the connection with it for years?

I suppose most people have asked themselves, in one way or another, such questions once in a while.  And even more so nowadays, when we live in a world full of self help books that supposedly will guide you in an eye blink to happiness . A world where being happy, even if it’s just false appearance, is the norm. A world where we sadly compare our lives with that of others on social media, in search of our own happiness, and at the same time trying to feel ourselves better than the rest.

Happiness. It’s such a charged word nowadays. We might have forgotten the essence of happiness, just like we’ve forgotten the essence of love, and beauty, and all other fundamental things in life. I have decided that the word happiness is, although with a beautiful intrinsic meaning, not my word anymore.

My word is being. Being? Yes, right, being.  24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of our lives, it is expected of us to be something, and to be it in the best possible way. It is expected that we are perfect children, perfect adolescents, perfect friends, perfect partners, perfect parents. It is expected that we excel in our studies, careers and on social level. When someone is asked who he or she is, the answer will include the name, and a long list of attributes, like, I’m a mom, I’m a director here, I’m a scientist there, I’m the daughter of this person, I’m the owner of that...and so on. And ok, it’s alright to know what your place in the social world is, but, do you know who you are? What makes up your essence? Well, to me, it is your being. And by being completely you, that is, by the most simple and (at the same time) complex act of being, you can find what we call happiness.

But being completely you, that’s a damn scary thing.  We tend to change ourselves in order to blend in into society (we’re social animals after all) but somewhere down the road we lose ourselves, stop simply being the person you truly are, and start acting an apparently perfect play for the outer world.

In any case, being completely oneself is hard, and even more so in places where your physical or mental wellbeing is put into peril if you express your true self. But if you want to have a try at being happy, at being you, maybe some of the following ideas might help:

·         Recognize and appreciate the small things in life. Wasn’t that a beautiful sunset you’ve just missed because you were stuck to your smartphone? Didn’t a loved one just remind you how much he or she loves you? So often we encounter small gifts in life, but as we are so spoiled, we don’t even see them, and eternally wait for something bigger, better  and more beautiful to come, without realizing that it is all happening now.

·         Which leads us to the next idea: live in the now! Ok, how cliché.  And how true! We keep ourselves busy with thousands of tasks, thoughts, and other mess, so much that we avoid living in the moment.  I think it’s because we fear the brilliance and greatness of living in the moment, as it can be a very powerful experience. On the other side, we are so addicted to distraction (just watch how many people are inseparable from their electronic devices nowadays) and drama about the past and future, that we prefer to just ignore the now and munch on the binge diet of unhappiness.

·         Gratitude. That’s a biiiig word, and has a very high happiness factor. Being grateful for something is, in short, accepting and feeling grateful about something ordinary in our lives, in such a way that it becomes extraordinary. That something can vary from a smile from a stranger to a loving hug of your partner, from eating homemade cookies (made by mum), to doing that what you love most. It doesn’t matter what you appreciate, as long as you appreciate it! There are so much beautiful things in life, and much of it we never fully appreciate it until the moment it isn't there anymore.

In any case, lots more things can contribute to a sense of wellbeing. Being in nature, spending time on (constructive) social relationships, feeling safe and protected... We must not forget that satisfying our most basic needs also contribute to the level of happiness one experiences. Nor must we forget that happiness is essentially something you can find in your interior, and thus no matter how much temporal satisfaction you feel by obtaining material goods, the only true happiness is that which emanates from your being.  

So, after a good hour of being in my element, enjoying myself whilst writing and listening to classical music, I can say that, writing about happiness is good reminder for myself, as lately I’ve felt unable to connect with that great feeling that tells me that I am satisfying all my needs and simply being me.  To be honest, I could just go on and on writing, but as I’m not planning to write a book about happiness, I’d better stop writing ;)

Anyway, there is no foolproof road to happiness. It’s often a difficult, unclear and strange journey, and surely a journey without end, as you will never stop learning how to live life plentifully. It's a journey that will lead you to extraordinary places. Moreover, it’s a personal journey, as I think everybody has to find out for him or herself what happiness is, where it lies, and how to make it a part of yourself. 

Feeling lost whilst trying to follow my life's calling

Here I am, in the middle of my exam weeks, and I cannot concentrate. Despite loving my study (Environmental Sciences), I feel restless. I feel that I should be living now, acting now, start doing all the great things I wish for this world, right now.

But I feel so small… How can I find a way to start doing what I love most: helping other living beings (that is, ending poverty and injustice, create a sustainable and fair economy, slow down climate change and more, all of those being interconnected)? On a daily basis I see news passing by about great stuff many NGO’s are doing around the world…but how can I participate, how can I help, and how can I start learning and growing to my full potential? Somehow it is always required that you have previous work experience in that area, that you know the right person, that you live somewhere else. It is required that you have great ideas, that you inspire others, that you are valuable for others, that you’re older, younger, smarter, better, more interesting, more extroverted, more more more.

So, I feel small, lost, alone and insecure of how to achieve what I consider my life's calling. I feel disconnected from others as not many understand why my calling is so important to me. Even though one can consider that I’m still in the process of learning all I need to know for a future career, I cannot put the restlessness aside. I want to do something, anything, now. I do not want to see more years pass by, spending all my effort on studying, but forgetting to live. And for me, living includes following my calling. But I do need fuel for my dream, or one day it will extinguish and leave me behind, with a bigger loss unimaginable.

“An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a person’s entire existence.”

“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

“Vocation is the spine of life.”

Maybe the reason that I feel so small, is because I am too ambitious and self-demanding. I want to do too much for the world, and thus overreach myself and then feel this mixture of failure, loneliness and insecurity..Maybe I should remember a wise lesson (learnt the hard way) that any mountain, no matter how high, difficult or dangerous, is to be climbed step by step, and that any other option is impossible.  

Get out of your comfort zone, and lose yourself in Nature!!

Don’t you ever have a feeling of restlessness? A feeling urging you to get out, explore, experience, live.

 I believe that for most people, if not all, it is fundamental to once in a while get out of our comfort zone, and get lost in the big beautiful world. I say comfort zone, because that’s where most of us reside the biggest part of our lives. It’s the place where all is guaranteed: food, home, money, security. It consists of the limits we ourselves create to get a feeling of comfort and being protected.

But it’s like living only half. Since when does someone fully live whilst remaining forever in the comfort zone? Since when does anyone get the feeling of being truly alive if you never dare to challenge yourself, to push your boundaries, to take the risk, and in the process, find your true self?

In the last few years I have been on different journeys, and especially the last two times have been incredibly mind-opening and boundary-pushing. It isn’t always nice nor fun to get out of your comfort zone. You encounter a lot of personal limitations, prejudices, and weird stuff you never knew you possessed. You get tired faster, as you learn so much. You get confused because you have to redefine who you are.

But the experience is worth it. You get a better idea of who you are, in good and bad times. You get the opportunity to change the things you don’t like about yourself. You feel alive. You live experiences you’ll never forget.

Don’t you just love being alive? But… are you alive, consciously, fully, completely alive? You should ask yourself that question once in a while. Because it’s only too easy to fall into a waking sleep, and miss out the most spectacular moments in live, which at the same time we normally consider so ordinary.

Personally, I cannot wait until the next time I can get out, into the wild. I cannot wait until I can again measure myself against the great mountains. To climb a mountain, is to learn to be humble, and at the same time have endless faith. Climbing a mountain is pushing boundaries, its suffering deeply at times, but knowing that, once you’re there, you enter into the world of the mystic, of the spiritual, because, dear reader, on top of the mountain the divine exists in all its glory. On the top it is where you fall in love with life, and inevitably, with the mountains.

“You don’t really conquer a mountain. You conquer yourself. You overcome sickness, and everything else – your pain, aches, fears – to reach the summit” 

“Mountains are not stadiums where I satisfy my ambition to achieve, they are the cathedrals where I practice my religion.”

"Each fresh peak ascended teaches something."

"I love to think of Nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through 

which God speaks to us every hour, if we only tune in"

“The mountains are calling and I must go.” 

 (and yes, all the photo's are mine :) )

A short text about choices and opportunities

At certain moments in life you come upon a point that you ask yourself “And now what? What’s the next step? What is it that I can do that will take me one step closer to finding my passion, to accomplish great things, to be of most use to the world?”

Sometimes, fortunately, opportunities arise. But, how do you know which opportunity to take? We are incapable of predicting the outcome of our decisions, so how can we guarantee that the choices we make will be the right ones? And; how can you be sure that the opportunity you’re focusing on isn’t a step to high for you to reach? Wouldn’t you be better off aiming for something less ambitious, something that is easier to aim for, that will have a bigger chance of success to start with?

Choices, choices, choices. Maybe I just want too much. Maybe I’m too eager to get started with changing the world, whilst I still have to finish my Bachelor Environmental Science study. Maybe I’m asking too much from myself, being a person who needs time to do things well and to grow. Maybe I’m not born for excellence in the way that I can make a fast career, have a great network, make a big impact on the world at a young age…

That are a lot of maybe’s. Which is basically what life’s all about. Nothing is for sure.

So, at the moment, I’m going after a couple of possible opportunities. They might not work out, they might not lead me to where I want to be. For the coming months, I’m going to try get myself on an expedition to Antarctica, publish a wildlife conservation proposal of the Iberian Wolf, and develop an Environmental Education Program about marine environments and tourism.

Which might perfectly well not work out. Which might be a step too high for me right now. I’m reaching for the stars, but maybe it’s not my time yet.

But I don’t think I will lose anything for the sake of trying to do what I want to do. As I said in my last post, failure is not a bad thing, but rather an opportunity, and that we should all live our lives so that, when we look back, we’ll do so without regrets. 

Fear of failure, and how to live with no regrets

When we are young, we dream of fame, success, great achievements … And often you will believe that you’ll be the one who will make it, because you do everything as perfect as possible to ensure success.

But then life happens, as unpredictable as ever, and events can make our dreams, efforts and goals fall apart. Some people, or even you yourself, will say that “you missed the boat”, “you didn’t try your best” or “weren’t the right person for it”.

Doubt starts to arise. Who am I without my dreams, without my success? Do I deserve to be happy when I’m a failure? How would things have turned out if I had given more of me? How can I overcome this enormous, all-consuming, feeling of defeat?

This negative spiral of doubt, low self-esteem, shame, loss of identity, and even anger towards oneself can lead to depression, isolation, an intense fear of failure, anxiousness and a whole list of other symptoms.

Maybe, at some point, the pain of failure will pass, and you will once again start to chase a new dream and put all your effort, time and money in it. But, in a world where everything is measured in or success, or failure, only too often the outcome will be considered to be a failure, and you will be back at where you started, feeling depressed, lost and despaired at your incapacity to do anything right.

Because we think, that if what we did turned out to be a failure, we ourselves are a failure. Our society teaches us that we’re never good enough, rich enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Our society teaches us to link achievement and success to our personal self worth! We even attach our inner identity of who we truly are with accomplishments, thus when we meet failure in life, we feel deprived of self worth and identity, and see our lives as a series of consecutive failures, in our relationships, in our careers, in our health…

And then, the pressure to succeed becomes so enormous, the risk of failure becomes too great, and we let go of our dreams, for fear of not being able to cope with failure. The thought “better to let go of my dreams then to risk failure” appears.

But here society is wrong. It’s not true that there exists only success and failure. It isn’t black and white. Failure isn’t unacceptable, contrary to what society believes, but rather a necessary path to success. If failure would truly be unacceptable, we wouldn’t even be alive, because the whole essence of nature consists in endless attempts that end in failure, and a couple of successes.

Just to get my point: How would a baby learn to walk, without at least a couple of hundreds of failed attempts? How would the nature have been able to create life, and subsequently all living beings, without endless failed attempts at combining and recombining the building blocks of life? How would technology have advanced and developed without all the failures it has gone through?

The sad thing is that, sometimes we are so focused on archiving success as our ultimate goal, that we forget to enjoy the things we already have, the moment of now, and the whole journey of life. We forget to accept our limitations, we ignore to celebrate our efforts however small, and we will punish ourselves for our so-called failures.

Because, honestly, it’s fine to try just for the sake of trying, it’s fine if a goal isn’t reached or the outcome is unexpected. The most important thing is the effort, not merely the outcome. Remember all the positive things you will gain from failing: important life lessons, deeper knowledge and wisdom, knowing how things should and should not be done, a capacity to love yourself even if society dictates you should hate yourself for failing. Learn to accept, to let go, practice forgiveness and compassion, and be kind to yourself, in whatever situation. And maybe, learn to not see failure in a negative way, but rather as an opportunity, a stepping stone to new heights

Lastly, if you find your true calling, your passion, your dream; listen to it, and follow that what makes you feel most alive. Deep inside you, you know what to do, but fear of failing is often in the way, as are the people who advise you to not pursue your dream, in fear of you getting hurt, or in envy of you being brave enough to follow your dreams. Do what you’re here for to do, so you will live with no regrets. Because, one of the deepest regrets people have when they die is having not done what they wanted most, not having followed their dreams, and not having lived truly. 

Here is a very inspiring video that gave me the idea to write about this today; 

And a few quotes that might make you think ;)