Fear of failure, and how to live with no regrets

When we are young, we dream of fame, success, great achievements … And often you will believe that you’ll be the one who will make it, because you do everything as perfect as possible to ensure success.

But then life happens, as unpredictable as ever, and events can make our dreams, efforts and goals fall apart. Some people, or even you yourself, will say that “you missed the boat”, “you didn’t try your best” or “weren’t the right person for it”.

Doubt starts to arise. Who am I without my dreams, without my success? Do I deserve to be happy when I’m a failure? How would things have turned out if I had given more of me? How can I overcome this enormous, all-consuming, feeling of defeat?

This negative spiral of doubt, low self-esteem, shame, loss of identity, and even anger towards oneself can lead to depression, isolation, an intense fear of failure, anxiousness and a whole list of other symptoms.

Maybe, at some point, the pain of failure will pass, and you will once again start to chase a new dream and put all your effort, time and money in it. But, in a world where everything is measured in or success, or failure, only too often the outcome will be considered to be a failure, and you will be back at where you started, feeling depressed, lost and despaired at your incapacity to do anything right.

Because we think, that if what we did turned out to be a failure, we ourselves are a failure. Our society teaches us that we’re never good enough, rich enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Our society teaches us to link achievement and success to our personal self worth! We even attach our inner identity of who we truly are with accomplishments, thus when we meet failure in life, we feel deprived of self worth and identity, and see our lives as a series of consecutive failures, in our relationships, in our careers, in our health…

And then, the pressure to succeed becomes so enormous, the risk of failure becomes too great, and we let go of our dreams, for fear of not being able to cope with failure. The thought “better to let go of my dreams then to risk failure” appears.

But here society is wrong. It’s not true that there exists only success and failure. It isn’t black and white. Failure isn’t unacceptable, contrary to what society believes, but rather a necessary path to success. If failure would truly be unacceptable, we wouldn’t even be alive, because the whole essence of nature consists in endless attempts that end in failure, and a couple of successes.

Just to get my point: How would a baby learn to walk, without at least a couple of hundreds of failed attempts? How would the nature have been able to create life, and subsequently all living beings, without endless failed attempts at combining and recombining the building blocks of life? How would technology have advanced and developed without all the failures it has gone through?

The sad thing is that, sometimes we are so focused on archiving success as our ultimate goal, that we forget to enjoy the things we already have, the moment of now, and the whole journey of life. We forget to accept our limitations, we ignore to celebrate our efforts however small, and we will punish ourselves for our so-called failures.

Because, honestly, it’s fine to try just for the sake of trying, it’s fine if a goal isn’t reached or the outcome is unexpected. The most important thing is the effort, not merely the outcome. Remember all the positive things you will gain from failing: important life lessons, deeper knowledge and wisdom, knowing how things should and should not be done, a capacity to love yourself even if society dictates you should hate yourself for failing. Learn to accept, to let go, practice forgiveness and compassion, and be kind to yourself, in whatever situation. And maybe, learn to not see failure in a negative way, but rather as an opportunity, a stepping stone to new heights

Lastly, if you find your true calling, your passion, your dream; listen to it, and follow that what makes you feel most alive. Deep inside you, you know what to do, but fear of failing is often in the way, as are the people who advise you to not pursue your dream, in fear of you getting hurt, or in envy of you being brave enough to follow your dreams. Do what you’re here for to do, so you will live with no regrets. Because, one of the deepest regrets people have when they die is having not done what they wanted most, not having followed their dreams, and not having lived truly. 

Here is a very inspiring video that gave me the idea to write about this today; 

And a few quotes that might make you think ;)

Be different! / Se diferente!

It really bothers me how little appreciation there is for the things you do different to others. It’s like; once you stray from the “normal” path, everyone starts criticizing you in one way or another, they don’t understand you, they tell you it’s a wrong choice, that you won’t make it. Even stop talking to you in some cases. That’s how little it is appreciated the things some might do different.

Take me for example; almost no one understood it when I took a sabbatical year. Most were just like “yeah right, she’s just going to party all the time, do nothing useful, just waste time”. Well, I can tell that this year I used to find out where my real interests lie, to study and investigate a great many things. And yes, to work on myself, to find out my weaknesses and my strengths, to regain confidence in myself, to become a stronger and better person. So this year was NOT useless, nor waste of time, nor it made me any dumber or lazier.

But wait! There are more critics! Because now I’m going to do an academic study with the Spanish Open University.  And people think that it isn’t so hard, that I won’t be able to do it, that it doesn’t count as a real study from the university, etc. Think twice people! it’s is a lot harder than a normal study at the university, it takes so much more discipline and capacity of self thinking, it’s more demanding and it is surely a real academic study!

And then of course people who don’t even understand why I am going to do an academic study. They think I should go to the art academy. Well, let me explain it once again: I have a good working brain, I am quite smart, and I have a great love for learning and to do something truly useful. So I am not going to make work out of one of my hobbies, but of my greatest passion; helping the world and being useful.

Sometimes it really tires me, having to explain and defend myself time after time for the choices I make. Yes! I know my choices aren’t the “normal” ones, and that once you do something that isn’t considered “normal” everyone looks bad at you.

 I fear that most of the critics come because people prefer being all the same and feel a mix of envy, insecurity and fear when someone does something different. If there is one thing I have learnt from life, it is that people are for a great deal governed by their jealous and unsecure feelings, and will always criticize to make themselves feel better…

Sorry, maybe this text is a bit long… but now I just want to say to you if you, like me, do something different from the “normal”; don’t care about what others say, don’t care about their critics, nor about their words that you will fail. Believe in yourself and follow your deepest feeling, and be very proud of being different! Yes! Be proud of that! I personally find it soooooooo boring that most just want to be the same as all the others, I mean, there is nothing fun about that! ;)  follow your heart, your intuition, your gut feeling, however you want to call it. I did that, and it made me a lot happier than if I would have done what others had expected me to do.

Believe in yourself! And be PROUD! Don’t ever permit others to bring you down! Follow your deepest feelings, and never, ever, doubt yourself.

Have a nice day! :)

Realmente me molesta el poco aprecio que hay para las cosas que haces diferente a los demás. Es como si, una vez que te apartas del camino "normal", todo el mundo empieza a criticarte en una u otra manera, no te entienden, te dicen que es una decisión equivocada, que no lo conseguirás. Incluso dejan de hablar contigo en algunos casos. Eso es lo poco que se aprecia las cosas que algunos hacen de manera diferente. 

Mira a mí, por ejemplo; casi nadie lo entendió cuando me tomé un año sabático. La mayoría eran como "sí, claro, ella sólo se ira de fiesta todo el tiempo, no hará nada útil, simplemente perderá el tiempo". Bueno, puedo deciros que este año he utilizado para determinar dónde están mis verdaderos intereses, para estudiar e investigar muchas cosas. Y sí, para trabajar en mi mismo, para conocer mis debilidades y mis fortalezas, para recuperar la confianza en mí mismo, para convertirme en una persona más fuerte y mejor. Así que este año no fue inútil, ni pérdida de tiempo, ni me hizo más tonta o vaga. 

¡Pero espera! Hay más críticos! Porque ahora voy a hacer un estudio universitario con la UNED. Y la gente piensa que no es tan difícil, que no voy a ser capaz de hacerlo, que no cuenta como un verdadero estudio de la universidad, etc. Por favor, piense dos veces gente! eso es mucho más difícil que un estudio normal en la universidad presencial, se necesita mucho más disciplina y capacidad de pensamiento propio, es más exigente y sin duda es un estudio universitario de verdad! 

Y luego, por supuesto, las personas que no entienden por qué voy a hacer un estudio universitario. Ellos piensan que yo debería ir a la academia de arte. Bueno, déjenme explicarlo una vez más: tengo un cerebro que funciona bien, yo soy bastante inteligente, y tengo un gran amor por el aprendizaje y para hacer algo realmente útil. Así que no voy a hacer trabajo de una de mis aficiones, pero de mi gran pasión; ayudar al mundo y ser útil.

A veces lo que realmente me cansa es tener que explicar y defender a mí mismo una y otra vez por las decisiones que tomo. ¡Sí! Sé que mis decisiones no son "normales", y que una vez que haces algo que no se considera "normal" todo el mundo te mira mal. 

Temo que la mayoría de los críticos vienen porque la gente prefiere ser lo mismo y sienten una mezcla de envidia, inseguridad y miedo cuando alguien hace algo diferente. Si hay una cosa que he aprendido de la vida, es que las personas son en gran parte gobernados por sus sentimientos de celos e inseguridad, y siempre van a criticar para sentirse mejor...

Lo siento, tal vez este texto es un poco largo ... pero ahora sólo quiero decirte que si tu, como yo, haces algo diferente de lo "normal", no des importancia a lo que otros dicen, no te preocupes por sus críticos , ni por sus palabras de que vas a fracasar. Cree en ti mismo y seguid tu sentimiento más profundo, y se muy orgulloso de ser diferente! ¡Sí! Se orgulloso de eso! Personalmente me parece muuuuy aburrido que la mayoría sólo quiere ser el mismo que todos los demás, de verdad, no hay nada divertido en eso! ;) Sigue a tu corazón, tu intuición, como quieres llamarlo. Lo hice yo, y me hizo mucho más feliz que si yo hubiera hecho lo que los demás esperaban de mí.
Cree en ti mismo! Y se orgulloso! Nunca permita que otros te depriman! Siga tus sentimientos más profundos, y nunca, nunca, duda de tú mismo.

Que tengas un buen día! :)