Fear of failure, and how to live with no regrets

When we are young, we dream of fame, success, great achievements … And often you will believe that you’ll be the one who will make it, because you do everything as perfect as possible to ensure success.

But then life happens, as unpredictable as ever, and events can make our dreams, efforts and goals fall apart. Some people, or even you yourself, will say that “you missed the boat”, “you didn’t try your best” or “weren’t the right person for it”.

Doubt starts to arise. Who am I without my dreams, without my success? Do I deserve to be happy when I’m a failure? How would things have turned out if I had given more of me? How can I overcome this enormous, all-consuming, feeling of defeat?

This negative spiral of doubt, low self-esteem, shame, loss of identity, and even anger towards oneself can lead to depression, isolation, an intense fear of failure, anxiousness and a whole list of other symptoms.

Maybe, at some point, the pain of failure will pass, and you will once again start to chase a new dream and put all your effort, time and money in it. But, in a world where everything is measured in or success, or failure, only too often the outcome will be considered to be a failure, and you will be back at where you started, feeling depressed, lost and despaired at your incapacity to do anything right.

Because we think, that if what we did turned out to be a failure, we ourselves are a failure. Our society teaches us that we’re never good enough, rich enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Our society teaches us to link achievement and success to our personal self worth! We even attach our inner identity of who we truly are with accomplishments, thus when we meet failure in life, we feel deprived of self worth and identity, and see our lives as a series of consecutive failures, in our relationships, in our careers, in our health…

And then, the pressure to succeed becomes so enormous, the risk of failure becomes too great, and we let go of our dreams, for fear of not being able to cope with failure. The thought “better to let go of my dreams then to risk failure” appears.

But here society is wrong. It’s not true that there exists only success and failure. It isn’t black and white. Failure isn’t unacceptable, contrary to what society believes, but rather a necessary path to success. If failure would truly be unacceptable, we wouldn’t even be alive, because the whole essence of nature consists in endless attempts that end in failure, and a couple of successes.

Just to get my point: How would a baby learn to walk, without at least a couple of hundreds of failed attempts? How would the nature have been able to create life, and subsequently all living beings, without endless failed attempts at combining and recombining the building blocks of life? How would technology have advanced and developed without all the failures it has gone through?

The sad thing is that, sometimes we are so focused on archiving success as our ultimate goal, that we forget to enjoy the things we already have, the moment of now, and the whole journey of life. We forget to accept our limitations, we ignore to celebrate our efforts however small, and we will punish ourselves for our so-called failures.

Because, honestly, it’s fine to try just for the sake of trying, it’s fine if a goal isn’t reached or the outcome is unexpected. The most important thing is the effort, not merely the outcome. Remember all the positive things you will gain from failing: important life lessons, deeper knowledge and wisdom, knowing how things should and should not be done, a capacity to love yourself even if society dictates you should hate yourself for failing. Learn to accept, to let go, practice forgiveness and compassion, and be kind to yourself, in whatever situation. And maybe, learn to not see failure in a negative way, but rather as an opportunity, a stepping stone to new heights

Lastly, if you find your true calling, your passion, your dream; listen to it, and follow that what makes you feel most alive. Deep inside you, you know what to do, but fear of failing is often in the way, as are the people who advise you to not pursue your dream, in fear of you getting hurt, or in envy of you being brave enough to follow your dreams. Do what you’re here for to do, so you will live with no regrets. Because, one of the deepest regrets people have when they die is having not done what they wanted most, not having followed their dreams, and not having lived truly. 

Here is a very inspiring video that gave me the idea to write about this today; 

And a few quotes that might make you think ;)

Discrimination of animals / Discriminacion de animales.

Lately I have encountered quite a lot of discrimination towards a certain dog breed; podencos

It is said that they are stupid, stubborn, useless, bad… people say this to justify the abuse, abandonment and isolation many podencos suffer.

It’s very sad. And even more: it’s without a trace of truth. Of course, an animal will mistrust you, it won’t do what you want, it will even fear you, if you abandon him, hit him, let him suffer from hunger, cold and thirst. It’s normal that it won’t be some cute lapdog then, if you isolate him from contact with other people and dogs!

But if you treat an animal with respect, love and understanding, if you know how and animal Works, knowing that it’s a living being with emotions and needs like everyone else, then you will find in this animal an unconditional friend, a living being who will love you without limits, and thousand times more loyal tan many human beings.

Let’s look at slavery: that was possible “thanks” to the idea that black people were beasts, didn’t feel, that they were wild animals, that you could treat them however you wanted because they didn’t feel anything anyway. It was justified by discrimination, ignorance and a lack of education.

Unfortunately, we still treat animals in a bad way, and we are far away from reaching a relation based on respect and wisdom. We still justify the mistreatment of animals by saying “they don’t feel, they don’t have emotions”.

And I’m fed up with these false justifications. I’m fed up with the hypocrisy, the lack of education, the ignorance of so many humans.

For me, every living being, every single one, no matter if you find it unimportant, scary, and disgusting or whatsoever, deserves love!! Every living being deserves love, respect and sympathy.

Why discriminate some, and treat others good? Why create this difference? Aren’t people able to see that on this Earth we are only temporal visitors, that we are part of nature and that we should coexist with Nature and all its beautiful creations?

One of the steps towards wisdom is this: understanding that you shouldn’t discriminate any living being. Because we are all part of the Earth. And loving all the other living beings is one of the best practices of compassion and love.

Namaste

How could anyone ever say that Podencos are stupid, ugly and unsocial?!!
¿Como alguien puede decir que los podencos son tontos, feos y asociales?!!

When I look into the eyes of an animal, I don't see an animal. I see a living being. I see a friend. I see a soul.
Cuando miro en los ojos de un animal, no veo un animal. Veo un ser vivo. Veo un amigo. Veo una alma. 

Últimamente me he encontrado con mucha discriminación hacia una raza de perros; los podencos.

Se dice que son tontos, inútiles, cabezotas, que son malos. Dicen todo aquello para justificar el maltrato, el abandono y el aislamiento a las cuales mucha gente somete a los podencos.

Es triste. Y aun mas; es sin ninguna base de verdad. Claro, un animal va ser desconfiado, no va hacer lo que tú quieres, incluso tiene miedo hacia ti, si tu le abandonas, le pegas, le haces sufrir hambre. Es normal que entonces no sea un perrito cariñoso y social, si le aíslas socialmente de contacto con otras personas y perros!

Pero si tratas a un animal con amor, respeto y entendimiento, sabiendo cómo funciona, sabiendo que es un ser vivo con emocionas y necesidades como todos, entonces vas a encontrar en ese animal un compañero incondicional, un ser vivo que te quiere sin limitaciones, y mil veces más fiel que la mayoría de los humanos.

Miramos a la esclavitud: eso fue posible “gracias” a la superposición que los negros eran bestias, que no sentían, que eran animales salvajes, que podrías tratarles como querías porque no tenían emociones. Se justificó por la discriminación, la ignorancia y falta de educación. 

Pero con los animales aún estamos lejos de alcanzar una relación de respeto y sabiduría.  Aun justificamos el mal tratamiento de muchos animales con la frase “no sienten, no tienen emociones como nosotros”.

Y estoy harta de esas falsas justificaciones. Estoy harta de la hipocresía, la falta de educación, la ignorancia de tantas personas.

Para mí, cada ser vivo, cada uno, da igual como de poco importante lo consideras, da igual si te da miedo o asco o lo que sea, merece amor! Cada ser vivo merece respeto, amor y comprensión.

¿Por qué discriminar a unos, y a otros tratarles bien? ¿Por qué crear esa diferencia? ¿La gente no es capaz de ver que en esta Tierra nosotros solo somos visitantes temporáneos, que somos parte de la naturaleza y que hay que convivir con la Naturaleza y todas sus creaciones bellas?

Uno de los pasos hacia la sabiduría es entender eso. Es entender que no hay que discriminar, diferenciar a ningún ser vivo. Porque todos somos parte de la Tierra. Y amar a todos los otros seres vivos es una de los mejores ejercicios de compasión y amor.  

Namaste

La ciencia ha encontrado una cura para muchas cosas, pero no ha encontrado una remedia contra el mayor mal de todos: la apatía de los seres humanos. 

Losing an animal friend

Today I’m going to write about something that might not be so cheerful, but is certainly a part of life; death.

To be more specific; the death of my best furry friend, my dog. Some people will say it was just a dog, that grieving over a dog is not comparable to grieving human death. But he was part of the family, for over 8 years, and his death was too early and too sudden.

The most difficult part of losing a living being, who was such a big part of my life, is that he will never come back. I can adopt a thousand dogs, and no one will ever be like him. There isn’t a single dog in the world who has the same beautiful eyes, the incredible capacity to be the best of friends. No one will ever make the same happy barking sounds again when I come home, nor sit by my side in difficult times.

He was the best of friends, a loyal companion, a living being who gave so much joy, laughter, love and peace.

Never shall I say that an animal is not capable of loving, of caring, of being an emotional and intelligent being. Having lived so many years by his side has taught me how amazing it can be to love another living being unconditionally.

Never again. Never again will he sit on my feet while I study, never again will I be able to embrace him while sitting in the sun. Never again can I laugh about his pranks and intelligence. All the never again’s, all the small things, all the thousands of memories…Like a mantra it keeps going on in my head.

It leaves me behind in sadness, with an emptiness so big you can’t believe it’s possible for 17 kilos of fur and intelligent eyes and limitless energy to leave such a void.

Never again is a long time. It’s too long. It’s too difficult to imagine. But that’s how things are, that’s the way life is. That’s the risk of loving another living being with all your heart.

But you know what? I would do it all over again. I would love another dog just as much, care for it just like I cared for him, because there are many, many dogs out there that deserve to live happily and in safety. Even though it means that eventually I will lose them.

All I can say to lighten up is that we gave him the best possible life. Full of freedom, love, care. And he lived healthy until his last hour.

I want to add some quotes, to celebrate the endless love, joy and peace other living beings can bring into our lives.

"Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them, Filling an emptiness we don't even know we have."

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

“Grief is so painfully real, regardless of its origin. The love of, and attachment to, an animal friend can equal that of human relationships. Likewise, the loss of an animal can be just as devastating.”

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”

The greatest lesson I have learnt from this? Live as if someone left the gate open!! :)

World kindness day/ Dia de la Bondad

The purpose of World Kindness Day is to look beyond ourselves, beyond the boundaries of our country, beyond our culture, our race, our religion; and realise we are citizens of the world. As world citizens we have a commonality, and must realise that if progress is to be made in human relations and endeavours, if we are to achieve the goal of peaceful coexistence, we must focus on what we have in common. When we find likenesses we begin to experience empathy, and in such a state we can fully relate to that person or those people. While we may think of people from other cultures as being ‘different’ when we compare them with our own customs and beliefs, it doesn’t mean that we are any better than they are. When we become friends with someone from a different culture we discover that despite some obvious differences, there are many similarities.

If we were to ask ourselves on a regular basis, "Is what I am involved in at this moment promoting joining or separation?” it would remind us of our commitment to kindness. All it requires is remembering. Simple solutions are workable solutions. Simple solutions to promote joining, working away at our goal for world peace with little acts of kindness, helping to break down the walls that separate races, religions, cultures. Helping our global brothers and sisters.

We can be co-creators of a better world, and we can have a positive effect on world peace, when we bring order into our lives. Be what you want the world to be. Is that difficult? Only if you think it is! When we accept the reality that we can create positive change, we move beyond ourselves, our limitations, our doubts, and realize our infinite power. Anthropologist Margaret Mead said, Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.

Joseph Campbell tells us, "People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive." The ‘rapture of being alive’ is truly a wonderful expression, don’t you think? Such raptures give real purpose to our lives. When we carry out an act of kindness it creates a good feeling within us, which surely could be termed as one of the raptures of being alive.

As the name implies, World Kindness Day is about being kind to the world. The ‘Lonely Planet’ not only refers to a travel guide, it is descriptive of the Earth – the only planet in our solar system known to be teeming with life. It’s all we have, and it’s in everyone’s best interest to make it the nicest place to live, because it’s the only place we have to live. Yet all we’ve done since the dawn of civilization is to destroy anything that stands in our way. And what price do we place on the homeless, the brutalized, the addicted, the downtrodden, the impoverished, and the ever widening gap between the wealthy and the needy? Isn’t it time everyone began thinking more about others and less about themselves? There is an obsession in society for a number of things, one of them is the accumulation of material wealth, far beyond that required to live a comfortable life. The power that wealth brings seems to be irresistible to some. But it can have a down side, and we hear from time to time about the principles of such people becoming a casualty.

World Kindness Day is the beginning of a global reaction to the exploitation of our human and natural resources. It could be said that the slogan for World Kindness Day might well be "Healing the World!" – and in doing so, there is the possibility of creating something so intrinsically good and wholesome, that the beneficial effects could be virtually endless.

Podemos cambiar el mundo con amabilidad. 

El propósito del Día Mundial de la bondad es mirar más allá de nosotros mismos, más allá de las fronteras de nuestro país, más allá de nuestra cultura, nuestra raza, nuestra religión, y darse cuenta de que somos ciudadanos del mundo. Como ciudadanos del mundo tenemos algo en común, y debemos darnos cuenta de que si el progreso ha de hacerse en las relaciones humanas y los esfuerzos, si queremos alcanzar el objetivo de la coexistencia pacífica, debemos centrarnos en lo que tenemos en común. Cuando encontramos semejanzas comenzamos a experimentar empatía, y en tal estado puede relacionarse totalmente con esa persona o esas personas. Aunque podemos pensar que las personas de otras culturas son "diferente" cuando los comparamos con nuestras propias costumbres y creencias, no quiere decir que seamos mejores que ellos. Cuando llegamos a ser amigos con alguien de una cultura diferente, descubrimos que a pesar de algunas diferencias obvias, hay muchas similitudes.

Si tuviéramos que preguntarnos con regularidad: "¿Es lo que estoy haciendo en este momento promocionando la unión o separación?" nos haría recordar nuestro compromiso con la amabilidad. Todo lo que requiere es recordar. Las soluciones simples son soluciones viables. Soluciones sencillos para promover la unión, trabajando en nuestra meta para la paz del mundo con pequeños actos de bondad, ayudando a derribar los muros que separan las razas, religiones, culturas. Ayudar a nuestros hermanos y hermanas globales.

Podemos ser co-creadores de un mundo mejor, y podemos tener un efecto positivo sobre la paz en el mundo, cuando ponemos orden en nuestras vidas. Sea lo que quieres que el mundo sea. ¿Es tan difícil? Sólo si crees que lo es! Cuando aceptamos la realidad de que podemos crear un cambio positivo, nos movemos más allá de nosotros mismos, nuestras limitaciones, nuestras dudas, y nos damos cuenta de nuestro poder infinito. La antropóloga Margaret Mead dijo: Nunca dudes que un pequeño grupo de ciudadanos pensantes pueden cambiar el mundo. De hecho, es lo único que lo ha logrado.

Joseph Campbell nos dice: "La gente dice que lo que todos estamos buscando es el sentido de la vida. Yo no creo que eso sea lo que realmente estamos buscando. Creo que lo que estamos buscando es una experiencia de estar vivo, para que nuestras experiencias de vida en el plano puramente físico tendrá resonancias dentro de nuestro propio ser interior y la realidad, para que podamos realmente sentir el éxtasis de estar vivo” El 'éxtasis de estar vivo' es realmente una expresión maravillosa, ¿no te parece? Eso da el verdadero propósito a nuestras vidas. Cuando llevamos a cabo un acto de bondad eso creara una buena sensación dentro de nosotros, lo que sin duda podría ser denominado como uno de los éxtasis de estar vivo.

Como su nombre lo indica, el Día Mundial de la bondad consiste en ser amable con todo el mundo. El 'Lonely Planet' no sólo se refiere a una guía de viajes, es una descripción de la Tierra - el único planeta en nuestro sistema solar conocido por estar lleno de vida. Es todo lo que tenemos, y es en el mejor interés de todos que lo convierten en el mejor lugar para vivir, porque es el único lugar que tenemos para vivir. Sin embargo, todo lo que hemos hecho desde los principios de la civilización es destruir cualquier cosa que se interponga en nuestro camino. La brecha entre los ricos y los necesitados es cada vez mayor ¿No es hora de que todo el mundo comienza a pensar más en los demás y menos en ellos mismos? Hay una obsesión de la sociedad por una serie de cosas, una de ellas es la acumulación de riqueza material, mucho más allá de la necesaria para vivir una vida cómoda. El poder que trae la riqueza parece ser irresistible para algunos.

Día Mundial de la bondad es el principio de una reacción global a la explotación de los recursos humanos y naturales. Se podría decir que el lema del Día Mundial de la Bondad bien podría ser "Sanar el Mundo!" - Y al hacerlo así, existe la posibilidad de crear algo tan intrínsecamente bueno y sano, que los efectos beneficiosos podría ser prácticamente infinitas.

Kindness/ Bondad

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

You shouldn’t just limit your kindness to the people you know, or people that seem nice to you. Kindness, like love (or which in truth is an expression of love) should be unconditional, given freely and with joy.

Everyone, with not a single exception, is having a hard time. We all have our problems, we all have worries, and bad things going on in our lives at at least once in a lifetime. And we should not deprive others from kindness just because they don’t seem kind/nice to us.

I’m just saying this, because it’s something that happens so frequently. If you see someone (unknown) smiling to you, you smile back. But the tendency to smile back quickly fades when you encounter sad/angry/negative looking people. and you even tend to reflect their negativity. Whilst they are exactly the ones who most need kindness.

An act of kindness doesn’t have to be something big. Any type of kindness is worth something, is of help, is an expression of love towards your fellow humans. And when you one day might be in need of a little kindness, you might be repaid for your own effort you made in being kind to others in other times.

Being kind shouldn’t been seen as an offer. It should be seen as a correct way of interacting with others. Patience, love, respect, compassion, that is how we should treat or fellow humans.

So, if you see someone having a hard time, don’t reflect their negativity and make them feel even worse. Rise above your (possible) initial repulsion towards negativity, and be compassionate. Be kindhearted, and give a gift of kindness. Your smiles, words, acts are small things, but they still might mean a world of difference to the one who is suffering at that moment.

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”
Dalai Lama  

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”  

“ No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. “ 

"Nunca dejes que alguien viene hacia ti sin irse sintiéndose mejor y mas feliz  Se la expresión viva de la bondad de Dios; bondad en tu rostro, bondad en tus ojos, bondad en tu sonrisa" Madre Teresa

Se amable, porque todos los quien conoces están luchando una dura batalla.

No deberías limitar tu bondad para la gente quien conoces, o personas quien te parecen amables. La bondad, como el amor (o que en realidad es una expresión de amor) debe ser incondicional, dado libremente y con alegría.

Todos, sin excepción, están teniendo momentos difíciles. Todos tenemos nuestros problemas, todos tenemos preocupaciones, y cosas malos que sucede en nuestras vidas. Y no debemos privar a otros humanos de la bondad sólo porque quizás no nos parecen amables /agradables.

Sólo digo esto, porque es algo que sucede con frecuencia. Si ves a alguien (desconocido) sonriéndote, tu seguramente que le devolverás la sonrisa. Pero la tendencia a devolverle la sonrisa se desvanece rápidamente cuando te encuentras con alguien triste /enfadado /negativo. E incluso tiendes a reflejar su negatividad. Mientras que son exactamente ellos quien más necesitan la bondad, compasión y simpatía.

Un acto de bondad no tiene por qué ser algo grande. Cualquier tipo de bondad es digna de algo, es de ayuda, es una expresión de amor hacia tus prójimos. Y cuando algún día tu podrías estar en necesidad de un poco de amabilidad, puede que serás recompensado por el esfuerzo que hiciste en ser amable con los demás en otros momentos.

Ser amable no se debe considerar como un sacrificio. Debe ser visto como la forma correcta de interactuar con otros. La paciencia, el amor, el respeto, la compasión, eso es como debemos tratar a nuestros prójimos.

Por lo tanto, si ves a alguien teniendo un momento difícil, no le reflejas su negatividad y hagas que ese persona se sientan aún peor. Elévate por encima de tu (posible) repulsión inicial hacia la negatividad y se compasivos. Se bondadoso, y da un regalo de bondad. Tus sonrisas, palabras, actos son cosas pequeñas, pero aún así puede significar una gran diferencia para la persona que está sufriendo en ese momento.

“Este es mi simple religión. No hay necesidad de templos, no hay necesidad para una filosofía complicada. Nuestro propio cerebro, nuestro propio corazón es nuestro templo, y la filosofía es la bondad.”
Dalai Lama
  

“Llevar a cabo un acto de bondad al azar, sin esperar recompensa, con la certeza de que un día alguien podría hacer lo mismo para usted.”
  

“Ningún acto de bondad, por pequeño que sea, es desperdiciado.”