Happiness

What is happines? Where does it come from, and where does it go? Why do some seem to have it in such plentiful amounts, and others struggle to hold on to it, and yet others lose the connection with it for years?

I suppose most people have asked themselves, in one way or another, such questions once in a while.  And even more so nowadays, when we live in a world full of self help books that supposedly will guide you in an eye blink to happiness . A world where being happy, even if it’s just false appearance, is the norm. A world where we sadly compare our lives with that of others on social media, in search of our own happiness, and at the same time trying to feel ourselves better than the rest.

Happiness. It’s such a charged word nowadays. We might have forgotten the essence of happiness, just like we’ve forgotten the essence of love, and beauty, and all other fundamental things in life. I have decided that the word happiness is, although with a beautiful intrinsic meaning, not my word anymore.

My word is being. Being? Yes, right, being.  24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of our lives, it is expected of us to be something, and to be it in the best possible way. It is expected that we are perfect children, perfect adolescents, perfect friends, perfect partners, perfect parents. It is expected that we excel in our studies, careers and on social level. When someone is asked who he or she is, the answer will include the name, and a long list of attributes, like, I’m a mom, I’m a director here, I’m a scientist there, I’m the daughter of this person, I’m the owner of that...and so on. And ok, it’s alright to know what your place in the social world is, but, do you know who you are? What makes up your essence? Well, to me, it is your being. And by being completely you, that is, by the most simple and (at the same time) complex act of being, you can find what we call happiness.

But being completely you, that’s a damn scary thing.  We tend to change ourselves in order to blend in into society (we’re social animals after all) but somewhere down the road we lose ourselves, stop simply being the person you truly are, and start acting an apparently perfect play for the outer world.

In any case, being completely oneself is hard, and even more so in places where your physical or mental wellbeing is put into peril if you express your true self. But if you want to have a try at being happy, at being you, maybe some of the following ideas might help:

·         Recognize and appreciate the small things in life. Wasn’t that a beautiful sunset you’ve just missed because you were stuck to your smartphone? Didn’t a loved one just remind you how much he or she loves you? So often we encounter small gifts in life, but as we are so spoiled, we don’t even see them, and eternally wait for something bigger, better  and more beautiful to come, without realizing that it is all happening now.

·         Which leads us to the next idea: live in the now! Ok, how cliché.  And how true! We keep ourselves busy with thousands of tasks, thoughts, and other mess, so much that we avoid living in the moment.  I think it’s because we fear the brilliance and greatness of living in the moment, as it can be a very powerful experience. On the other side, we are so addicted to distraction (just watch how many people are inseparable from their electronic devices nowadays) and drama about the past and future, that we prefer to just ignore the now and munch on the binge diet of unhappiness.

·         Gratitude. That’s a biiiig word, and has a very high happiness factor. Being grateful for something is, in short, accepting and feeling grateful about something ordinary in our lives, in such a way that it becomes extraordinary. That something can vary from a smile from a stranger to a loving hug of your partner, from eating homemade cookies (made by mum), to doing that what you love most. It doesn’t matter what you appreciate, as long as you appreciate it! There are so much beautiful things in life, and much of it we never fully appreciate it until the moment it isn't there anymore.

In any case, lots more things can contribute to a sense of wellbeing. Being in nature, spending time on (constructive) social relationships, feeling safe and protected... We must not forget that satisfying our most basic needs also contribute to the level of happiness one experiences. Nor must we forget that happiness is essentially something you can find in your interior, and thus no matter how much temporal satisfaction you feel by obtaining material goods, the only true happiness is that which emanates from your being.  

So, after a good hour of being in my element, enjoying myself whilst writing and listening to classical music, I can say that, writing about happiness is good reminder for myself, as lately I’ve felt unable to connect with that great feeling that tells me that I am satisfying all my needs and simply being me.  To be honest, I could just go on and on writing, but as I’m not planning to write a book about happiness, I’d better stop writing ;)

Anyway, there is no foolproof road to happiness. It’s often a difficult, unclear and strange journey, and surely a journey without end, as you will never stop learning how to live life plentifully. It's a journey that will lead you to extraordinary places. Moreover, it’s a personal journey, as I think everybody has to find out for him or herself what happiness is, where it lies, and how to make it a part of yourself. 

Feeling lost whilst trying to follow my life's calling

Here I am, in the middle of my exam weeks, and I cannot concentrate. Despite loving my study (Environmental Sciences), I feel restless. I feel that I should be living now, acting now, start doing all the great things I wish for this world, right now.

But I feel so small… How can I find a way to start doing what I love most: helping other living beings (that is, ending poverty and injustice, create a sustainable and fair economy, slow down climate change and more, all of those being interconnected)? On a daily basis I see news passing by about great stuff many NGO’s are doing around the world…but how can I participate, how can I help, and how can I start learning and growing to my full potential? Somehow it is always required that you have previous work experience in that area, that you know the right person, that you live somewhere else. It is required that you have great ideas, that you inspire others, that you are valuable for others, that you’re older, younger, smarter, better, more interesting, more extroverted, more more more.

So, I feel small, lost, alone and insecure of how to achieve what I consider my life's calling. I feel disconnected from others as not many understand why my calling is so important to me. Even though one can consider that I’m still in the process of learning all I need to know for a future career, I cannot put the restlessness aside. I want to do something, anything, now. I do not want to see more years pass by, spending all my effort on studying, but forgetting to live. And for me, living includes following my calling. But I do need fuel for my dream, or one day it will extinguish and leave me behind, with a bigger loss unimaginable.

“An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a person’s entire existence.”

“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

“Vocation is the spine of life.”

Maybe the reason that I feel so small, is because I am too ambitious and self-demanding. I want to do too much for the world, and thus overreach myself and then feel this mixture of failure, loneliness and insecurity..Maybe I should remember a wise lesson (learnt the hard way) that any mountain, no matter how high, difficult or dangerous, is to be climbed step by step, and that any other option is impossible.